She Left! (Part One)

"She is so foolish and inconsiderate. How could she leave just like that! After many years of courtship. It was such a beautiful relationship and the guy really showered much love on her. I doubt she will ever see another guy as cool as him, again. Where does she want this innocent guy to start from! She is just so mean and wicked!" 

These and many more are the comments most people make whenever a  lady announces break-up in a relationship.

There are many reasons why relationships break, and the bitter truth is that, nobody, apart from the two people involved, can judge aright. This is because they are the ones in the relationship. They know well, the length and breadth of the things they've shared together and they know just where the shoe is paining them. 

Courtship between two people is more of a personal affairs, than public. No matter how much you think you know two lovers, you cannot know the things they choose to hide from the public. In other words, they only let you see what they want you to see and keep other information to themselves. 

This is why the picture of two lovers, on the social media may depict joy, happiness and peace but will never reveal or define the true status of their relationship. The truth is, many lovers are bitterly suffering consistently, in their relationship, yet they give the public an impression that it is all peaceful and filled with love, while hoping that they would be able to fix the crooked areas, along the line. 

Apart from the things posted on social media, some lovers also pretentiously keep smiling face and lightened/joyful spirit, when they are in the midst of their friends and family. But there are numerous critical issues setting them ablaze, in the relationship, which they cannot share. 

So, in our ignorance, we blindly envy some relationships today, not because of the good and deep virtues or substances we see in it, but because of the social media impression they give us, through pictures and the deceptive display of love and happiness (although, most times, it is not because they want to be deceptive, but because they are strongly hoping too, that the situation will get better). And in fact, we sometimes cite such relationships as good examples, while counselling others to make a good marital choice. 

Intending partners who have built a long-term positive social media impression often find it difficult to make or take a break decision, even when they are suffocating in the relationship. That's because they do not want to disappoint their public in-laws. They do not want to dash the hope and expectations of those who have been envying their relationships. They don't want them to say "so after all this years, you still broke up". 

Rather, they stay in the abusive and trouble-filled relationship, enduring, managing, and hoping that, the relationship will get better someday. They keep counting years in this error. And that even becomes a good point of reference for the public; "those two lovebirds have been together for so long". That's a compliment/credit, right? 

However, it will get to a point where the elastic of their endurance will no longer have the capacity to stretch. A point where they would have both taken the shits, up to their nerves. And at that point, they will be left with no choice than to break. One person will definitely have to walk away, bidding the other person goodbye, or they both walk away.

There are three types of break-up announcement;

• Break-up announcement from the guy
• Break-up announcement from the lady
• A mutual break-up, whereby both partners mutually agree to part ways. 

Especially for relationships that  lasted for reasonable years, life after break-up can be such a terrible and bitter experience. Depending on how strong each individual is, a break-up can either make you pick up yourself, accept your lessons and forge ahead to try again when it is safe to do so, or a break-up can make you give up finally on courtship/marriage. Meanwhile, some persons never get over it. They get into depression and may even commit suicide, in the extreme.

Nobody wants to be guilty. Nobody wants to own up to mistakes. So when break-up happens, each partner is a saint and they often have a guiltless/holy story to tell. But trust me, it takes two people to break a relationship. Although, the guilts may be more on a side than the other, but each person will definitely have their own share of faults. 

After break-up, each partner, especially the one the announcement is made to, often goes around with the idea of He/She jilted me. But we really need to explore some cogent and crucial things;

• Is it in all cases that the announcer is really the one jilting? 
• Do we ever bother to find out whether the person that was jilted is even the real but silent perpetrator of the break-up?
• Who really left? The one who announced the break up orally, out of  frustration, or the one who has long communicated the break-up with frustrating attitudes?

 To be continued with a piece of spoken word in PART TWO