Haba! Sweetheart, I can't breathe!

While growing up as a girl child, one of the things that formed some of my strict decisions today is what I overheard a lot of grown up ladies say about their demanding attitude in relationships. I heard them talk about how they collected money heavily from who they were dating, either through lies or coming out straight all because of the irrelevant things they buy to support their big girl enterprise and they were never ashamed to talk about it. I've also heard many guys generally badmouth and make jest of all females without exception that all they know is money. Those stories often irritate me to my very marrow. 

To say the truth, it is sad to know that some ladies have actually made relationship a poverty alleviation scheme. The moment a guy asked them out and they agreed, it feels to them like they've just won a lottery, because from that day onward, that guy automatically becomes their ATM.

They practically ask their partners, money for every 'damn' thing. If the money is even used for meaningful things such as career, investment, personal development etc, it would have been better. Wigs, shoes, clothes; ten thousand per yard aso ebi, eye lashes, cosmetics, latest phones, and so on, are their ultimate goals. 

Their belief is that once a guy wishes to date them, he must be ready to die under the weight of their financial needs/baggage, and the moment he can't continue to meet their needs, they walk away. 

"I can't breathe" is usually the silent song of most of these guys especially the ones who are only struggling to make ends meet. And because they do not want to lose their partner or disappoint them in any way, they sacrificially go out of their way to ensure they are satisfied. 

Now, I wish this set of ladies are tarnishing their own image alone with this attitude of total dependency, laziness, covetousness and lack of contentment. But no! They are generally painting all females bad. They create a notion in men's head that all females are demanding, covetous and insatiable. Only few men understand that not all ladies are the same.

Consequently, some decent and responsible ladies feel insecure around men who are willing to genuinely support them financially. These ladies, out of insecurity that they don't want their man to see them as being covetous and dependent (because that's the general notion), they will neither ask for anything nor accept the wilful supports the man is willing to give. In fact, they sometimes prefer to spend for their man whenever they have. They go to the extreme to say no to every financial offer that comes from their man because they don't want to be seen as one of those common ladies. 

Meanwhile, this is one thing that pisses genuine men off. When their offers are rejected by their woman, they feel unloved, disrespected and insulted. They practically feel less of a man and they do not like it. Men feel more fulfilled and energetic when they can spend for their woman without restrictions. 

So as a responsible lady who hates to demand or hates to see your man put all your burden on his neck, you just have to apply wisdom and learn to strike a balance. Be careful so you don't appear rude, proud or unappreciative. If at all you need to turn down your man's offers, do it politely. Verbalize your considerations; let him know that you are also considerate of the things he personally need money to accomplish. 

Please ladies, never see a relationship or even marriage as a license to become a liability on your man. 

We are all human and each person is expected to work for whatever they need, irrespective of gender.

Let whatever will come from your partner be willingly, and not forcefully. Don't see his kindness as an entitlement. As a lady, you really need to erase this mentality. Don't become the thorn in your partner's flesh. Don't mount unnecessary pressure on him. If you do, you will be losing your worth gradually.  

Meanwhile, there is nothing that says you also cannot be financially responsible to your man. 

Throw surprises for them. Buy things for them. Borrow them or gift them money too, if you have. 

Men are not called to come and die under feminine burdens. 

Lastly, check yourself, since you got into his life, has he been financially progressing or depreciating ?? You know the best. 

Please let them breathe before they give up the ghost financially!!! Don't choke them. 

Let them breathe!

God bless you. 

Tolu Joseph